I was chatting to my mum on the phone the other day whilst waiting for one of the girls. I told her I was super early, which made a change as for some reason I tend to always arrive slightly behind these days. Only by a couple of minutes but still. Mum then jokingly said “What’s happened to you? You used to always be early or on time”.
This sparked something. I realised I wasn’t acting anymore. I have actually become more laid back. Ok, only a little. A couple minutes late. Not getting as annoyed if plans change. Or if things don’t go my way. Not so worried about missing out. Organising things last minute. It’s all pretty small but it’s taken some time. And to be honest, there’s still times I go to react and think, hold on, does this REALLY matter. Like really really?
I’ve realised that all those little things which used to make me anxious, like being late or not having plans, really don’t matter. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t actually make much difference. You probably wait for friends as much as they do for you. And if one of your plans changes one evening, it just means you get an evening to do anything you want. Perhaps some well deserved me time. And if you already have had plenty of that…then you could take yourself out if you really wanted. Why do we get so hung up about the little things?
I’ve actually learnt three key things through all of this, in enabling you to be more laid back…
You do need to learn to love me time. As if plans do get bailed on, then quite likely you’ll be doing something alone. But there is a beauty in this. You can do you. Anything you want. All the things you love. I think learning to love this has definitely helped me.
The people you have in your life can make a huge difference too. If they make you feel more laid back and have a similar attitude, then generally you do. I realised that my ex was actually quite toxic with regards to this aspect of me. He quite possibly brought out the worst. Comparing the way I am now (with someone new in my life) to back then is pretty crazy when I think about it. It really does go to show your personality can reflect that of others, or how others make you feel. Make sure you’re surrounding yourself with positive people, who love you unconditionally. It’s super important.
Thirdly, I’ve learnt to take a second (if that these days), and think so what?! What difference is this really going to make to my life? Will these 10 minutes clearing up after someone else really impact me? It might be a tiny bit annoying at the time, but is it worth the annoyance? And if things don’t really go the way I thought..yes I might be slightly put out, and change is hard sometimes, but realistically it won’t make much difference in the long run. Or it might even make me stronger, putting me in new scary situations.
It really is trying to look at the positive side of it all. Not taking everything so seriously. And thinking more big picture. Because getting hung up on all these little things can really impact how much we get anxious, frustrated and nervous, and ultimately our happiness. And to be completely frank, you should always choose happiness. It’s worth way more.
Do you have any techniques which help you stay a little more laid back?